Money Money Money Money!
(Money money money money money money money)
Is that… that’s how the Money In The Bank theme song goes, right? Or am I making that up? There’s cash register noises in there, too, but that’s the gist of it. You can totally hear it in your head now; don’t lie to me. Money money money money!
Anyway, welcome to the Ghosts Of The Stratosphere’s official WWE Money In The Bank prediction thread! Herein, I, the only Ghost who cares about these matters, will predict the winners of every match on this card. Probably preposterously poorly, because perilously prognosticating people’s plights perpetually pans poorly… for me. Ran out of P words there while I was possessed by the spirit of Stan Lee. I could have gone with “por”, which is Espanol for “for”! Too late now, though.
Are you ready to dive right into it?
Big Cass vs. Daniel Bryan
Boy, the 50/50 booking potential here has me frightened, as it’s Cass’ “turn” to win a match in this feud. If Bryan just beats him again here… what was the point of doing two big PPV matches? It just buries Cass. But if Cass wins… well, they aren’t going to have Bryan lose his first multi-match feud out of the gate, so if Cass wins we’re just going to get a rubber match down the line. And who wants more of this? So it doesn’t make an abundance of sense for Bryan to win, but if Cass wins, that just means we have to sit through more of this feud when Bryan should be doing better things. Prospects are dim here. I guess I’ll go with my head over my heart.
WILL WIN: Big Cass, so we can have another damn match wasting Bryan’s time
SHOULD WIN: Daniel Bryan, so he can move into a feud with either Samoa Joe for a while or right into the world title picture against the winner of Nak/AJ.
Sami Zayn vs. Bobby Lashley
Haha, oh man. Worst feud of the year? I’ve been lucky to miss ALL the build up to this, so that means I haven’t seen any of the sister or obstacle course skits, not even for a curiosity watch on YouTube. I have heard between my cohorts’ Raw Reviews here and on from other fans on other platforms that they were ludicrous on a historical level. Sami means virtually nothing to the current product other than as a solid mid carder who takes L’s, whereas Lashley… I mean, they have to at least PRETEND he still has some upward mobility, right?
WILL WIN: Bobby Lashley because whatever.
SHOULD WIN: Bobby Lashley because whatever.
Roman Reigns vs. Jinder Mahal
I love this booking 110%. It’s like WWE found the only guy in the company against which Roman has a modicum of a chance of being cheered. They found two of their most disrespected talents and threw them together. Why not put Baron Corbin here and make it a Triple Threat match? You absolutely HAVE to respect what WWE is going for here, even if it’s not going to work. The fans are going to root root root for the Jinder regardless of what WWE thinks is going to happen (or maybe WWE is counting on it, and they figure cheering for Jinder is punishment enough that they’re doing this out of spite). There’s only one ending here, though.
WILL WIN: Roman, obviously. There’s no other choice here. You don’t have him beat Joe last show just to lose to friggin’ Jinder Mahal here.
SHOULD WIN: Roman still. Jinder winning would be a riot, but his time anywhere near the top of the card is over. Roman losing her would be ludicrous.
Women’s Money In the Bank Ladder Match: Ember Moon vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Naomi vs. Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Natalya vs. Lana vs. Sasha Banks
I did a breakdown of this for Fact Or Fiction at 411mania.com two weeks ago where I gave this to Ember Moon. Nothing since then has changed my mind; there really isn’t an obvious choice here, but everyone aside from her is already established and doesn’t need the briefcase… OR is too mid-card and wouldn’t be useful as a threat. Except for Lana, and… she’s Lana. So this almost HAS to be Ember here. I expect Nia to retain her title against Ronda, so Ember is the perfect time-killing feud for Nia and the Raw title while Rousey is built back up in preparation for Wrestlemania next year. None of that matters, though, because the female Roman Reigns is in this match.
WILL WIN: Charlotte because WWE gives her everything all the time ever.
SHOULD WIN: Ember Moon for the reasons I stated above. Plus, a babyface hasn’t won Money In The Bank in a while, so they need to let that happen. As a face, Moon will not hold on to the contract for too long, and she can feud with Nia all summer/fall.
Men’s Money In the Bank Ladder Match: Braun Strowman vs. Finn Bálor vs. The Miz vs. Rusev vs. Kevin Owens vs. Bobby Roode vs. New Day Member vs. Samoa Joe
And I discussed this on 411mania, too. From least likely winner to most, I had: Braun, Owens/Rusev/Roode, Balor, Big E, Joe/Miz. Pressed to make a choice, I picked Miz. Since then, I have noticed EVERYONE is forecasting Miz, so while this might be a good time to hipster it up a bit and back off my pick… I will just say I see Miz and Joe as equally likely. I’m HOPING they surprise us and go Balor… maybe even do a sllloooooww heel turn wit him and the contract, but… I doubt it. Miz is great and elevates any prop or title he is given to work with, while the idea of a sadistic, violent Joe stalking a champion at his weakest is just delicious. It will probably be Miz, and I reiterate: I hope he cashes in at the Rumble and Bryan wins the title shot the same night.
WILL WIN: Samoa Joe, actually. I AM swerving because I think WWE will swerve us. EVERYONE thinks Miz is winning. Too obvious!
SHOULD WIN: Balor, who desperately needs something–anything–to do. Or Miz if they do the Royal Rumble double trigger pull to set up Bryan/Miz at Wrestlemania.
WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Elias vs. Seth Rollins
I have a personal history of taking way too long to see what so many others in the IWC do in some guys. It took me a long time to see that Cesaro was more than a brilliant worker who should get a main event run. Rusev took a long time to grow on me, and I never got really behind him until not long before Rusev Day became a thing. And I feel like the same thing is happening with Elias. Everyone seems to dig him, but I just don’t see it. If Elias vanished from WWE tomorrow, it would take me months to realize he was even gone. He’s funny and entertaining enough, but I can’t recall an Elias match to save my life. I’m sure he’s just another guy I have thus far missed the bus on, but for me… he’s just adequate. Hopefully Rollins wins here because he has kept up the momentum on the IC title that Miz grew. Unless the plan becomes to put Seth over Brock at SummerSlam, they might as well keep this title on him and let it be the relevant Raw championship.
WILL WIN: Seth Rollins because Elias isn’t “there” yet. Plus, Elias may win at the July PPV.
SHOULD WIN: Seth Rollins because the IC Title needs him.
Raw Tag Team Championship Match: The B-Team (Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas) vs. Bray Wyatt and Matt Hardy
Look upon this match, children, and take note: Raw’s creative team can’t find ANYTHING for The Revival or The Authors of Pain (or even The Fashion Police) to do. I hope the AoP thing is just a bait-n-switch, and that after this segue feud, the Authors come out and just squash the hell out of Bray and Matt to take the titles. Then WWE should let the AoP and the Bludgeon Brothers go on simultaneous paths of mayhem across their respective brands until Survivor Series, whereupon we get a fantastic Unbeatable Monster Team vs Unbeatable Monster Team match. Is… is that just me? That’s how I’d book the next five months, anyway. I want both of those teams to have strong months-long title reigns before locking up for a one-time cross-brand match.
WILL WIN: Who cares, but Bray and Matt, I guess?
SHOULD WIN: Same!
Smackdown Tag Team Championship Match: The Bludgeon Brothers vs. Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson
See what I said in B-Team vs Bray/Matt.
WILL WIN: The Bludgeon Brothers because Gallows & Anderson have not been at the same level as they are.
SHOULD WIN: Bludgeon Brothers to set up that Monster Mash of a Survivor Series battle! Come on, I suddenly really want that match.
Smackdown Women’s Championship Match: Asuka vs. Carmella
I’m still not over Asuka losing to Charlotte at Wrestlemania. The whole mystique is gone, and now I don’t know that WWE has any real agenda for her. And what’s more, I just care significantly less. I was hugely invested in Asuka, but now she just feels like another warm body. This feud seems incredibly sudden, too. Not that Asuka isn’t deserving, honestly, but why not build her back up by having her run roughshod over the Smackdown division for a few months before getting back to the championship picture? Firmly put that Wrestlemania L in the rear view mirror by reminding us she can be an unstoppable terror. But we prognosticate with what we have. I think Carmella will win, but what I’d do is have Asuka win and go unbeaten until ‘Mania next year. Then I’d play up some kind of “Is Wrestlemania her weakness? Does she wilt on the world’s biggest stage?” angle for her and really put the title defense in question. But they’ll probably just have Carmella win and whatever.
WILL WIN: Carmella because WWE hates us.
SHOULD WIN: Asuka for the eventual Wrestlemania-as-Kryptonite storyline I postulated above.
Raw Women’s Championship Match: Nia Jax vs. Ronda Rousey
Nia’s weird, brief interlude as a babyface just to defeat Alexa Bliss seemingly over, now we go straight into a Ronda Rousey title feud. Like with Asuka, this just seems so quickly cobbled together for her. I don’t have a problem with it because I am fine with the idea that Ronda is gettin a shot based on her reputation and career; I just would again have thought a slower build might be nice. I have no idea who “wins” this match or how, but I expect Nia to retain. Putting the title on Rousey already doesn’t make tons of sense; you could have just done that at ‘Mania and left Nia a heel for her next feud. So no, I think Nia holds on here and Rousey goes into sone regrouping feuds.
WILL WIN: Nia Jax because this is just a teaser of the glory to come for the Rowdy One.
SHOULD WIN: Nia Jax because I want to be right about Ember winning MitB, and they aren’t going to have her stalking Ronda.
WWE Championship Last Man Standing Match: AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
I have no earthly idea what you do with Nakamura if he loses here. Does he go right after the United States belt even though he would be winless in his last several big shows? Does he just maybe move into a feud with someone else (like Daniel Bryan… hmmm) over some backstage slight or something? Nah, Nakamura has to win here; his heel character has been a treat, and I think every match these two have had has been better than the one before it. I’m not generally a fan of Last Man Standing matches (a Bottom Five stipulation match, IMO, with so much standing around and waiting and counting), but I expect their best effort to date.
WILL WIN: Shinsuke Nakamura because WWE has written him into a corner
SHOULD WIN: Shinsuke because he needs this a billion times more than AJ does.