Pop-Tart Quest: Week 8

WEEK 8! EIGHT! THAT’S AS MANY AS FOUR PACKETS OF POP-TARTS! AND THAT’S A LOT! THIS IS… POP-TART QUEST!

Yeah, that looks good, right? I mean… come on! Chocolatey Caramel? I like 100% of those flavors. This was a lay-up. A fastball over the middle. An empty-netter. A [sports euphemism to be added later]. I thought, “I want a delicious Pop-Tart for this week of the quest”, and this is RIGHT where I went. Boom, chocolatey caramel. No questions, just love. 

Easy

Mother

Fucking

Peasy.

Right?

Well, I’m pretty sure I’ve telegraphed the hell out of this, but here goes: This Tart was so damn disappointing, I’m surprised it doesn’t just have a picture of me on the box. Never before have I been so wrong, Pop-Tarts, and now I am forced to re-evaluate a great many things I believe. Are koalas actually cuddly and delightful? Maybe not! I mean, if Chocolatey Caramel Pop-Tarts can deceive me, why not small bepouched bears? 

There’s something… almost smokey about the caramel. Like burny, smokey… I don’t know, shut up; it’s hard to describe. It is a low-quality caramel, that’s all I know, and it brought the whole Tart down. The chocolatey shell part was good enough–you may remember it from such fantastic Pop-Tarts as Chocolate Peanut Butter–but the C-list caramel they used… unacceptable. 

You, too, may someday find yourself eyeing these in the store and decide “Yes, that is the sugary treat that I desire”. Let me save you some time.

That’s what you actually want.

Taste: 

B- : So very disappoint.

Being a Caramello Bar: 

F+: It isn’t!

Toasted-to-Untoasted ratio: 

40% : This actually improves if you don’t toast them, which is bizarre for most choco-Tarts. It brings less life to the caramel demon inside.

Overall: 

C+ : Have you figured out these grades don’t mean anything? I just pull letters out of the air, guys.

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