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Pop-Tart Quest Week 20

POP-TARTS ARE FOREVER. POP-TARTS ARE A GIRL’S BEST FRIEND. BLOOD POP-TARTS. TWO KARAT POP-TARTS. WAIT, NONE OF THESE SOUND RIGHT. THIS IS… POP-TART QUEST!

I know I have given Pop-Tarts some crap in the past over flavors like Pink Lemonade, Orange Crush, and A&W Root Beer because drinks aren’t food. But what if they kind of split the difference?

Image result for strawberry milkshake pop tarts

Milkshakes! Milkshakes are the food of drinks! Think about it: they are thick, sometimes you need a utensil to consume them, and… okay, that’s probably it. But it’s closer to being a food substance than root beer, so you have to encourage this positive step forward. You’re figuring this whole thing out, Pop-Tarts! Good on you! Gold star.

That said…

“Strawberry milkshake” isn’t a flavor. I mean… it’s already got a flavor right in its name. Strawberry! Strawberry milkshake is just taking something that is already a flavor and calling it a new flavor. It’s just taking one step removed from that original flavor. It’s the Seven Degrees of Kevin Strawberry; how far removed can we get? Strawberry lollipop milkshake ice cream jam Pop-Tarts? Doesn’t it all just come back to… “strawberry”? I feel like it’s is just cheating the system at this point.

Image result for strawberry

PICTURED: Already a flavor

The difference here being that there already are Strawberry Pop-Tarts, and these shooken milk strawberry Tarts are… vastly superior. As would be expected, we are back to the creamy insides as opposed to typical Pop-Tart sludge, and you KNOW I appreciate that. Also, they brought back the jimmies which… do people put jimmie sprinkles in milkshakes? Is that a thing? Why are they the topping of choice here? Doesn’t seem wildly appropriate.

Taste:

A : These were delightful. I mean, I guess I was wrong. Regular Strawberry Pop-Tarts are, like, a C+. So somehow dissociating the original flavor by 1 degree IS an improvement.

Consistency:

A+ : Creamy goo! And Jimmies! And it’s so girlishly pink!

Being the 1950’s:

D+ : I mean, that’s what milkshakes are for, right? Kids in malt shops reading their Archie comics for a nickel? I still drink milkshakes…

Overall:

A : This was a strong Pop-Tart, yo. I’d eat these all day!

 

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